Desire.

I was always bursting with vanity. I, I, I, is the refrain of my whole life, which could be heard in everything I said…It is quite true that I always lived free and powerful. I simply felt released in regard to all for the excellent reason that I recognized no equals. I always considered myself more intelligent than everyone else, as I’ve told you but also more sensitive and skillful.

Of course, true love is exceptional - two or three times a century, more or less. The rest of the time there is vanity or boredom.

Yes, I was bursting with a longing to be immortal. I was too much in love with myself not to want the precious object of my love never to disappear…true debauchery is liberating because it creates no obligations. In it you posses only yourself, hence it remains the favorite past-time of the greatest lovers of their own person…There is nothing frenzied about debauchery…it is but a long sleep.